Life Changes... But It Never Ends

My heart hurts. My heart hurts when I look at pictures of him as a young child or as a teenager. Even in recent pictures as a 30 year old you can see the playful smile that made him instantly likable. Or as his best friend said at the memorial service, "To meet him was to like him; to know him was to love him." That was (and is) our son Michael.  He died last Thursday, November 1, 2012 and my heart hurts.

I remember an old TV commercial that used the catch-phrase, "the heartbreak of psoriasis". Really? I guess if you "suffer" from that condition you hurt, but "heartbreak"? I have known the pain of losing someone close, a high school boyfriend, a favorite high school teacher, my grandmother, my grandfather and my own Daddy. I have known the shock of losing a friend through suicide, or the sudden inexplicable death of the nine year old son of a friend. You don't live to be my age without experiencing the pain and loss of death. That doesn't make it any easier when death comes like a thief in the night again and steals something as precious as a son.

A pastor friend who delivered the eulogy at the memorial service last Monday used the same word to describe death, "thief". He acknowledged our pain and even more importantly, our anger, at losing Michael at such a young age. It was good to be reminded that death is not always a friend and that anger is a normal and appropriate emotion at such times. We know that anger is one of the stages of grief and if I haven't experienced that yet, I undoubtedly will sooner or later. But Gary also used the occasion to remind us and explain to those hundreds of young people who were grieving the loss of a friend, why, as Christians, we can be joyful in the midst of our pain, hopeful in spite of our grief and why we can look forward to a future with Michael, not just re-live our past with him. My prayer for everyone reading this is that you too would know the joy and hope that comes from knowing God and his son Jesus Christ. Sometime you might just find that it is the only thing that can sustain you.

The End is The Beginning

First of all, I can't believe it's been two months since I posted something on this blog. Well, at least I'm consistent in my inconsistency. I might ascribe it to my general lack of self-discipline or laziness, but in this instance I've got a good excuse.  No, really.  The long-anticipated October wedding is just a few days away and I've spent many, many hours over the past few months preparing for this moment.

In February I made a vow to lose at least 50 pounds before this event.  I did it!  I also decided early on that I wanted to do a lot of the work on the rehearsal dinner myself and I did that.  I spent untold hours scouring the Internet for ideas.  I picked a theme, made the decorations and the invitations, and I canned 60+ jars of peach jam for favors. I've located various and sundry sources for the things I couldn't make.  [Thank you Etsy.]  Today we travel to Cape Cod for what I know will be a beautiful wedding and a great time with family and friends from all over the country.

In some ways this is the culmination of nine months of planning and hard work.  It is also the beginning of a new phase in my life as surely as it is the beginning of a new stage in my son's life.  For the first time, he will be a husband.  I will have a daughter-in-law. She is the little girl, now a beautiful young woman, I've been praying for since my son was born - the one that God picked out for him and him alone. 

A wedding celebrates the beginning of a new life, not unlike the celebration at the birth of a child.  This week, we celebrate the beginning of one life from two lives.  "And the two shall be as one..."

The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

To say that I've had a few things on my mind lately would be an understatement and while I'm certainly not the first person to feel overwhelmed by "life" I wonder how many people have nightmares about it.  Especially nightmares with such vivid, memorable images -->

Yep, that's how I pictured my brain last night. Is it any wonder I can't focus or sleep for that matter? It doesn't help matters that I'm not feeling well and I don't have time to be sick. The Wedding is 8 weeks away!!!  This past week was particularly stressful since I found out that the location for the rehearsal dinner will NOT be ready in time after all. Luckily we have a plan B, but even that is not set in stone yet. Everything that I need to do this month hinges on finalizing this. As an aside, plan B will be a little more expensive so now we're getting serious about budgeting for this event.

Oh, and speaking of budgeting . . . never, never, never ask "what else can go wrong?"  Someone [God?] might think you're issuing a challenge, not making a rhetorical statement!

So, did I mention that Lucy the Lab tore her other CCL and needs surgery again; that DH has a torn bicep tendon that is acting up and he may need surgery as well? And that's just for starters.

On the plus side, I've lost 50 lbs on my diet so far.  Of course, not being able to keep any food down helps, but whatever! Now my short-term goal for the 8 weeks before the wedding is to lose 15-20 more lbs.  Can I do it?  What do you think? All I know is that I'm not buying my dress for the wedding, or any other clothes for that matter, until mid September or later if I dare!

Summer Here and Some are Not!

So, I don't know where June went. Really. It was a crazy, hectic month but with no commitments so I expected to get lots done. I did, in fact, get a lot accomplished, but not the things I planned on doing. 

Just about the time that my commitment to the family next door ended (they moved to CT at the end of May) we decided to buy all new carpeting and hardwood floors for the house. This involved a lot more work on my part than I ever imagined. At the same time we decided that some rooms needed painting before they got new floors, so DH and I took on that project as well. We got everything done and the house put back together (for the most part) by July 4th. A lot of stuff is just piled in closets waiting for me to organize and also to get rid of more things we don't need or use anymore. We already have a garage full of furniture waiting for a good home - someone else's home!

On July 9th following a whirlwind visit from our oldest son and his fiance, I started my new "job." Here's a picture of my new "boss." Yep, I'm crazy. I'm keeping a friend's baby now that she's gone back to work full-time. I've always been a sucker for babies and I was thrilled that someone would actually pay me to watch over their precious little one. So far this doesn't feel like much of a job, but I'll keep you posted.

In addition of course there's the wedding planning. Thank goodness I'm only responsible for a rehearsal dinner, but since a lot of the decor, etc. will be DIY there is much to decide and much to do and only 12 weeks to do it in before the big day. I do tend to obsess about these things and I know that I could probably go on Etsy and buy someone else's handmade place cards and table decor and favors, but I've got to have some outlet for my creativity and this year, the wedding is it! Most of my time so far has been spent researching, gathering ideas and making samples. I'm just now starting to purchase my supplies. I promise to post pictures after the big event. But this week the work begins. My daughter and family will be here for a week and she and I are making peach jam - about 60 jars. Yikes! Hope everyone likes peach jam!! 

Motivations and Milestones (continued)

It's been a while since I mentioned my personal weight loss program. I say 'personal' because I'm not following any commercial programs, like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.  The only requirements on my plan were: no alcohol, no candy, no bread and exercise 3-4 times per week.  I started this plan at the beginning of Lent, but early on I decided I would continue the regimen after Lent and until I had lost at least 50 pounds.

Well, I have lost 30 pounds so far!! Woo Hoo!!  But, I can tell that I am at a crossroads of a sort.  There are too many days that I am tempted to NOT work out and while I have stuck with my diet restrictions, there have been days that I have eaten too much, or things I should not have.  I know it is not uncommon to reach plateaus on a long-term journey like this.  And I know that I can't allow momentary lapses and temptations to derail my plan.

So this week, I've decided to step up my work-out schedule - go to the gym more often, increase the length of time I work out, etc. and kind of start over with the diet, you know, go back to what was working in the beginning. I know that I can do this, I just need to believe in myself again and not lose sight of the long-term goal.

What have you found that works to move you off the plateau you're on in your own journey?  It might not even be a weight loss journey.  Maybe it is a spiritual journey or a self-improvement program of another type.  If you have any tips, I'd love to hear them. Thanks for stopping by.

More 'Stuff' or Anyone Up for Some Spring Cleaning?

[This was written yesterday but I was not able to post it until today when our network/TV/computers were back up and running. Well at least something is finally back up and running!]

I’m sitting on my back porch as I type.  Luckily, it’s a beautiful day to be outside.  Sometimes summer can come early in May, but this year we’ve been blessed with cool temperatures and low humidity.  I wouldn’t mind if this weather continued until July 4^th, but alas, the hot and humid days of summer in the south will probably be here all too soon.

But not today; and that’s a good thing, because I can’t really be indoors today.  The new carpet is being installed and there’s nothing I can do to help. We spent the weekend removing everything we own from all the rooms upstairs and putting it all in the living room/dining room (with the help of our daughter and grandsons).  We’d already emptied furniture in the downstairs rooms for our new hardwood floors and in my last post I talked about all the “stuff” one accumulates in 28 years of living in the same house.  Well, that was nothing! 

So I’m looking at 90% of everything we own, except clothes, piled up in the living room and dining room and, on the one hand, it doesn’t look like that much really.  I mean, shovel out those two rooms and we could make a clean start!  On the other hand, it seems like a LOT of stuff, especially when I think about having to put it back where it came from.

So of course, we won’t be putting it all back where it came from! J  This seems like a perfect time to clean out, give away, sell or toss those things that just aren’t that important to us anymore.  It will probably take a month to go through this process, but we are committed to trying.  There are still a lot of things we’ll keep, partly because we do have room to keep them and partly because we do have children who might want them someday.

Here is my problem though.  I’m not a very organized person.  I try, God knows I try, but I just can’t seem to find a way to store things that make them easy to get to when they’re needed or that prioritize what I need and use and what I don’t.  Our daughter is very good at this and I’m hoping that she can help in this process but otherwise I may need a professional.

Got to practice on this stuff though, ‘cause the basement and all its "stuff" awaits!

UPDATE:  So the beautiful spring day on the porch meme has been shot to heck!  Come to find out: 1) they didn’t include the downstairs bedroom in the carpet quote and contract, 2) said bedroom has dry rot in one corner which has to be repaired before any carpeting is installed, 3) installers didn't bring enough carpet to put in an additional bedroom and the front stairs and finally 4) Lucy the lab needs to have her teeth cleaned, has a few “masses” that need to be biopsied and is getting cataracts – oh and 10 weeks post-op from surgery on one of her knees, she will probably need surgery on the other knee sooner rather than later.  Hmm, I think that’s all. 

As my DH would say, “Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?”

Stuff!

Let me just say that I am not a hoarder! I can still see the surfaces of my dresser, desk and coffee table.I can see my bed and chairs and dining room table. I can make my way from one end of my house to the other without a map and without injury! So, I am not a hoarder. 

  >>>THIS is a Hoarder>>>>

I will admit to being a “collector” of beanie babies (cough, cough), music, books, magazine articles, photographs. I will acknowledge that I have accumulated a lot of STUFF in my lifetime, but everyone does that, right?

You probably won’t even be surprised to know that there are over a million and a half Google results for the search term ‘Psychology of Clutter’. Even before I knew that there was such a term, I spent a lot of time trying to psychoanalyze my clutter issues and my disorganization disorder.

I recently read a blog post by Jane Brody at the New York Times. She has been writing a series about her own de-cluttering efforts, “Making Progress Against Clutter”. The motivation for her attempt to control her clutter was the scheduled re-carpeting of several rooms. I can relate! We are finally getting new flooring after 27 years in this house, and I am faced with the prospect of moving a lot of stuff in preparation for the installation. In the process I am looking at things that have been stored in drawers and china cabinets and have not seen the light of day in many years, and I’m thinking as I examine these things: Why did I buy this?  Why do I still have this? Will my kids want this?

Many of these items are pretty – which is why I bought them – but I never use them. Many items were handed down to me by family members – but they’re not much in style these days. Do I need 8 moving boxes full of old photographs when I only display 15 or 20 photos? How many glass vases or candlesticks does one household need? Why do I take things that other people are getting rid of – even though I don’t need them? Sigh!

These questions are worthwhile to ponder, but alas, I don’t have time. I’ve got to move a lot of “stuff” from one room to another these next couple of weeks. I do promise that I will examine everything carefully before putting it back where it was stored. At this stage of my life I think a lot about what my family will do with my stuff when I’m gone. I don’t worry that they will give it all away. I worry about what they will think of me for having kept so much stuff for so long. I’m reminded of the parable of the rich fool (Luke 12:13-21). Do I really want to spend my time and my money and my energy building bigger barns to store my stuff? 

How do you deal with clutter?  Is it an issue for you at all?  Let me know your secrets and thanks for stopping by.